As a strong and personable leader, you may feel tempted to soften the blow or skirt around the issue to spare feelings. That choice can lead to a long road of miscommunication and resentment that hurts everyone involved. Knowing how to have difficult conversations with employees, delivered with care and clarity, protects your culture and helps people grow.
Why prompt feedback matters: 3 reasons
- You get what you tolerate. Bad behaviour poisons team culture, relationships, and engagement very quickly.
- You owe it to the rest of the team. Bad behaviour sets the tone for more bad behaviour.
- It signals that you care. Give a damn about people’s growth and development, and foster a culture of effective feedback.
What the research says
According to Gallup, less than 15% of managers feel confident that the feedback they provide is effective, and only 26% of workers say it helps. Harvard Business Review reports that 44% of managers find feedback difficult or draining, and 21% often shy away from giving criticism. Skill and mindset make the difference.
How to have difficult conversations with employees
1. Give feedback promptly
Share feedback while the context is still clear. Offer positive recognition publicly when appropriate, and give constructive feedback privately so people can receive it. As Radical Candor puts it, “Specific and sincere praise helps the person you’re providing it to, and the whole team, understand what success looks like.”
2. Stick with the issues
Focus on observable behaviours and their impact. Avoid attacking the person. Describe what you saw, the effect it had, and what needs to change. This keeps the conversation constructive and action oriented.
3. Do not skirt the issues to soften the blow
Avoidance does not solve the problem. It leaves everyone frustrated while the original issue remains. Be clear, kind, and direct so the real topic gets the attention it needs.
4. Change your mindset
Reframe criticism as a development conversation. Eduard Manzoni suggests framing it in a positive, less binary way. You are not giving negative performance feedback, you are helping someone grow. This shift reduces defensiveness for both of you.
5. Plan your points
Decide what you need to say and the outcome you want. Anticipate different viewpoints and prepare questions that keep you curious. Planning helps you stay steady if emotions rise.
6. Have a conversation, not a monologue
Slow down. Ask, listen, and check for understanding. The other person does not know exactly what you want them to say, so co-create next steps together. Collaboration increases ownership and better outcomes.
7. Stay calm, breathe
Regulate your pace and tone. Composure keeps trust intact and makes it easier to correct employee behaviour without damaging the relationship.
After the conversation
Reflect on what worked and what you will do differently next time. Journal about it. Feedback takes practice. As Susan Scott reminds us, we fail or succeed in life and in business one conversation at a time. If you want support building these skills across your leadership team, reach out.
Sources
- Knight, R. (2015). How to Handle Difficult Conversations at Work. Harvard Business Review. https://hbr.org/2015/01/how-to-handle-difficult-conversations-at-work
- Scott, K. (2021). Is your feedback falling flat. Radical Candor. https://www.radicalcandor.com/radical-candor-feedback/
