Have you ever walked away from a meeting thinking, “That’s not how I meant it to land”?
You had the best intentions, clarity, and focus, maybe even motivation, but somehow the impact didn’t match. The room went quiet, people looked uneasy, or your team didn’t respond the way you hoped.
That’s not bad leadership. It’s a case of leadership style misalignment, one of the most common challenges leaders face today.
The Real Problem Isn’t Style, It’s Fit
Many leaders tell me they feel pressured to “change their style.” Be less directive, more facilitative. Listen more. Empower more. But the truth is, this isn’t really about swapping styles. It’s about recognizing that what once worked brilliantly may no longer fit the world you’re leading in now.
For years, organizations rewarded people who made decisions quickly, took charge, and got things done. Those leaders thrived in stable, predictable systems. Today’s world is anything but predictable. Problems are complex, and success depends on collaboration across silos, perspectives, and expertise.
So even when your intention is to help, your impact might come across as controlling, outdated, or out of sync with what your team truly needs.
When Good Intentions Miss the Mark
Here’s what leadership style misalignment can look like in practice:
- You step in to speed things up, but your team experiences it as micromanaging.
- You offer direction to create clarity, but others feel shut down or unheard.
- You push for results, but people sense pressure instead of inspiration.
Sound familiar? Most leaders I coach don’t need to become more collaborative in theory. They need to bridge the gap between what they mean and how they show up.
That bridge is maturity, not a new management technique.
Maturity = Awareness + Agility
“The vertical altitude of an organization’s leaders sets the ceiling for how effective the organization can be.”
— Ryan Gottfredson, Success Mindsets: The Key to Unlocking Greater Success in Your Life, Work, & Leadership
Leadership Maturity begins when you start noticing your automatic reactions. When uncertainty hits, do you tighten control, or do you pause long enough to listen and reflect before acting?
Self-awareness and self-management form the foundation. They allow you to respond rather than react, to lead from your values rather than your anxiety. From there, maturity deepens as you learn to hold multiple perspectives. You stop seeking one right answer and start seeing the bigger system at play.
That’s when communication shifts from giving answers to asking better questions, from persuading to facilitating dialogue. Over time, you build trust, adaptability, and inclusion, the hallmarks of leaders whose impact matches their intention.
Why This Matters Now
Facilitative leadership is not easier than directive leadership. It’s harder. It takes confidence to share power, courage to sit in ambiguity, and humility to let good ideas come from anywhere, not just the corner office.
The discomfort you feel right now is not failure. It’s growth. It’s the space between who you’ve been and who you’re becoming as a leader.
Your Next Step
Take a moment to reflect:
- Where does your intention not match your impact?
- What do others experience when you lead under pressure?
- Which capability, whether awareness, communication, inclusion, or adaptability, would make the biggest difference if you strengthened it?
That reflection is where development begins. The goal isn’t to change your personality, it’s to align your presence with your purpose.
“When your intention and impact finally meet, leadership stops feeling like effort and starts feeling like influence.”
— Marderé Birkill
Ready to start your journey to influence? Schedule a breakthrough call here.
This article was inspired by a recent client conversation and by a chapter from Dynamic Leadership and Coaching: A Handbook for Developing Exceptional Leaders in Turbulent Times, authored by 30 experienced coaches and Fellows of the Institute of Coaching (IOC).
