I recently read an article about how repeated small disagreements in a relationship destroy the relationship. It is little things that could be passed off as petty disagreements that hurt just like papercuts and pinpricks. However, an accumulation of papercuts and pinpricks will become a large open wound.
I quote the author here: “The reason my marriage fell apart seems absurd when I describe it: My wife left me because sometimes I leave dishes by the sink. It makes her seem ridiculous and makes me seem like a victim of unfair expectations. But it wasn’t the dishes, not really—it was what they represented. Hundreds, maybe thousands, of times, my wife tried to communicate that something was wrong. That something hurt. But that doesn’t make sense, I thought. I’m not trying to hurt her; therefore, she shouldn’t feel hurt. We didn’t go down in a fiery explosion. We bled out from 10,000 paper cuts. Quietly. Slowly.”
The article struck me as so profound. Papercuts and pinpricks are relevant to all relationships, family, friends, and colleagues. The idea is like micro-aggressions, but different in that it relates to a careless, maybe unconscious habit or act that repeatedly offends a colleague.
We’ve all experienced it before, the small, seemingly insignificant act of inconsideration that feels like a paper cut. It stings for a moment, but we brush it off and move on. However, when these small acts of inconsideration are repeated, they can quickly add up and become a major problem.
Just like a paper cut, an act of inconsideration may seem harmless at first, but when it happens repeatedly, it can lead to a large bleed out and eventually destroy a relationship.
For example, let’s say that a colleague consistently fails to return emails or calls in a timely manner. This may seem like a small act of inconsideration at first, but if it continues to happen, it can lead to frustration and mistrust. The colleague’s behavior may be interpreted as disinterest or disrespect, and it can make it difficult to work effectively with them.
Similarly, if a team member habitually arrives late to meetings or fails to meet deadlines, it can create a sense of frustration and disrespect among the team. The team may begin to question the person’s commitment and reliability, and it can lead to a breakdown in trust and cooperation.
Just like paper cuts, small acts of inconsideration can be easy to overlook and ignore, but when they happen repeatedly, they can lead to a large bleed out and a destroyed relationship.
The key to preventing this from happening is to address these issues as soon as they arise.
- Have open and honest conversations with colleagues about their behavior, and to work together to find solutions that can help prevent future conflicts.
- Be aware of our own actions, and to make sure that we are not inadvertently causing harm or disrespect to others.
In conclusion, small acts of inconsideration may seem harmless at first, but when they happen repeatedly, they can lead to a large bleed out and a destroyed relationship. By addressing these issues as soon as they arise, and being mindful of our own actions, we can prevent small acts of inconsideration from becoming major problems.
Further reading on negative work environments: Toxic Leadership
